I couldn't simply let yesterday's experience go by without mentioning it. We went to church yesterday. I didn't stay up that late, but still I felt inspired to sleep as long as I could. Therefore I woke up at 10:25. Church starts at 10:40. Cheryl was getting ready. I could hear the clicking and clanging of brushes and make-up kits, we well as noisy Hair-Dryers. I roll my lazy bones on out of the sack at 10:30, but then collapse again back on to my soft, pillow top mattress. It was like drifting back down onto a cloud. I think I snoozed for another 2-3 minutes, only to wake by the crashing sound of a hairdryer being 'dropped' /[thrown] to the ground. It stirred me enough to consciousness, then I hear the words "You need to get up". It pierced my unconsciousness enough to arouse a response, so I said back "you need to get ready faster." I indeed started getting up. Luckily for me I have most of my clothes out, most of the time already, so I just threw on the nearest pants, and 'most ironed' shirt. Then I match it all by accessorizing with a fancy tie, belt shoes and sometimes socks. And I was still ready before Cheryl was :)
So then we go to church. It was a fast Sunday where we were. There was a baby blessing which was nice, then it was the 'open mic day'... I mean testimony day. Oh Joy. What crazy people 'felt inspired' today to talk my ear off?! Is it really 'inspiration', or is it really a problem you have about not being able to shup-up?! Ya, some people don't have that valve. I'm not saying that people Aren't inspired at times, but with those truly inspired YOU CAN TELL, cause they make you feel all good inside. YOU reading this know what I mean, cause you're all sensible people, that much I DO know. But then there's the 'Every Timer' who all the Decons Teachers and Priests joke about and help them win their monthly 'Testimony Bingo Game'.
So we get there late, but I don't feel that bad about it cause there sure are a lot of people who get there after us, no matter when we arrive! So we're sitting quietly in the balcony while every row around us has kids who don't know the difference between 'Be as loud as you can' Time, and 'Shut-up' time. And then it started getting really fun! As soon as the bishop says that people from the audience can come up, Some old hispanic lady starts running up to the microphone. I thought that i could see that the Bishop was startled at this 'anxious' person, but then got out of the way so he didn't get pushed over by the half-pint lady. So she started off with some random story of her life. This is one of the crazies who was 'always in pain' from some hypoglycemic condition that she's heard about. Then she starts complaining that its to bad that doctors in other countries come to America and 'all of a sudden' aren't qualified to be doctors anymore!(She was talking about 3rd world countries of course). And how she has been in pain most of her life [somehow], and then she just ran into this guy who moved into the janitors closet in her building, and he was considered a 'doctor' in his country, so she essentially invites this stranger up to her apartment, then he works his 3rd world doctor magic, now she's healed! ( The exclamation-point points out that she actually yelled into the microphone. Then her neighbor across the hall was in pain, and she recomended this guy living in the janitors closet to her, and now she's healed. She goes on to say that her son was in 'pain' (probably from her) so he went down to Mexico to undergo some 'experimental' procedure, and BOOM, now he's fixed. Oh my gosh, what is going on with her?! I can hear the coo-coo clocks chiming in the background? I sure can!! Oh, but thats not all. She continues to say that her family disapproves of her 'meeting' people on the internet at her age (80-something) and she met some people, and that she has to leave church early to go meet up with them, cause they are all going to a restaurant. (You haven't forgotten that its sunday have you? And I don't know what your Sunday-School lesson was on, but ours was on Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy! Maybe she shouldn't have left early.) This lady is old, short, way to much make-up, horrible dark died hair (with stark white roots always shown), and she's always loud, and annoying to listen to.
But then it gets better. We were sitting in the Primary room waiting for the leadership to start the kids singing or something when Crazy lady #2 comes in. She sometimes substitutes for the other Sunbeam class when their teachers aren't around (which sometimes happens to be every other week it seems) . Crazy #2 sees that there is a Crazy parent (#3) sitting in the front row, where her class is sitting. Yes, her entire class. The Primary Presidency was welcoming everyone to Primary that day when Crazy #2 (sub-teacher) seeing that Crazy +Crazy don't mix on the same row she goes where another parent is sitting. So she staggers over to the third row of benches, (her child was in the other class,( not ours)) and then announces in full voice to the normal parent, "I'm teaching today", and then she points her beak like face toward the parents seat. The entire row was filled by no-one but the parent(holding infant child, and her child, and she had two or three bags with her. So Crazy #2 repeats her phrase, implying that the Parent move. I'm sure she was confused cause I sure was, but the parent moved one row back, with infant, with her three tote bags, and with her rambunxious Sunbeam (thats why she was there after all.) Gee, how nice of crazy lady#2 to do that. Meanwhile, while all of that is going down, the Primary lady conducting the meeting welcomed Crazy parent #3 Then Crazy parent#3 quickly announces that she's not visiting, she's always there. Well, Its only the second time I've ever seen her and I've been there 5 months or so. So I don't know where she gets the term 'Always'. Crazy #3 is loud too. And vain.
Oh and speaking of which, In the main Primary Sunday School, Crazy lady #2 was there again. And she has two kids who are in primary there. They are the most obnoxious kids ever. If I ever see them in a dark alley, I might trip them and push them into a puddle or something. Her and her two stupid kids are the entire reason I left the USC ward. And thats not exaggerating at all! The dad was the bishop somehow, and no one told those little hellians to stop, or be quiet, or 'not' to do anything! Murder crossed my mind after the second week of being there, so I went somewhere else. So these two toads decided not to sit with their classes (big surprise) and were crawling all over their Beak-faced(bird-brained) mother. So she started feeding them. One brat asked for a water bottle. And the other started pecking candy-snacks out of her hand. I swear that she even ate some bigger food items, chewed them, then regurgitated it and would spit it into their smaller beak-like faces, you know, like regular baby birds do. The kids would throw the trash wherever the felt like, and them would hop around (yes, in the middle of lesson time). Then to cap it all off, Crazy #2 pulled out some fruit juice bottle and started guzzling it. Now, let me point out that it is still Fast-Sunday, and she was sitting in the second row of this small 7 row meeting room. And since she's an adult... I think, she sits bigger than everyone, kind of like how Big-Bird towers over the kids on Sesamy Street. What a great way to be a BAD example to all those kids in there. Good Job on not practicing what you preach. And what a Bad Job of being a parent! I'm not a paren't. But I recognize bad parenting when I see it. Seriously!
Thats not the only reason I say that so harshly. Let me tell you of only one other time. She brought a globe to church once, probably to help teach a lesson, although we don't think that she pays attention to WHAT lession we're supposed to teach. She had this globe, but I don't think the globe made it to class, cause the stupid kids decided that they wanted to play with it during their class instead! So I don't think that the kids really got taught any sort of information at all that week. But in the middle of Sunday School, the kids (her own kids) broke the globe, so the mom, Crazy #2, decided she needed to leave at that very moment! Yes, in the middle of class. Imagine how it would be to have Big-Bird-ess flocking around in front of you while you tried to teach a lesson, or give a talk, or something like that!! How annoying. And now the class she was attending is now left governless, to go wild and un-checked for half the meeting. Which is a burden for us, cause we sit next to them, and for the leadership, cause they have to help, cause they know I won't hesitate to smack them if needed. Then they'll all start balling.
OK, only one more quick one... We got to Primary, One of the kids was crying in the other class, so one of the Primary Presidency went over and held the kid to shut it up. So Crazy #2 comes in the room, staggering as if she's drunk (no, I'm not kidding). She stumbled over to the Lady holding the crying sunbeam in her class, and just says "Oh, you're here, good, you can substitute, my brother is in town. I'll leave now." Then a drunken Big-Bird-beak faced weirdo staggered back out of the room. I wasn't sure if I should feel bad for the lady who wasn't quite sure yet if she should now be teaching, or for the kids who would definitely have a better time with the new lady.
And the rest of the day was nice.
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